Returning to the Holy Land

At the Dome of the Rock

I'm going back!

In just a couple of weeks, Ivan and I are departing for "In the Footsteps of Jesus" pilgrimage led by Jeff and Janet Wright.  The main tour is 10 days long, we will go a few days ahead of the tour to get over our jet lag and see the sights of Tel Aviv.  At the end of the main tour, Ivan heads home, and I'll go with a few of the others on an add-on to Petra, and then hang out and explore Jerusalem some more for a couple days.  The tour hits the major Christian and historical sites around Jerusalem and Galilee.  A good portion of our time will be meeting with civil society groups working towards justice and peace between Israelis and Palestinians.  We'll meet a variety of groups, both Jewish and Arab; if all works out we will even get to meet with a member of the Knesset when we visit there!  (I don't know who.)

Our leader Jeff Wright was for many years the minister of Heart of the Rockies Disciples of Christ church here in Fort Collins.  While I have never known him well, I have been aware of his ministry for a long time.  Heart of the Rockies was a church plant at about the same time I planted MCC Family in Christ, so I watched their work from afar.  He and his wife Janet, who is a social worker skilled in EMDR, have been leading these tours for quite a number of years in collaboration with DOC/UCC Global Ministries.  (Our two denominations have a joint mission board.)  I've known several people who have gone with them, and they have uniformly testified to the transformative effect the experience had on their lives.  I had seriously considered their program when I went to the Holy Land in 2017, but opted for the month-long, more academically inclined, program at Tantur instead.

Why go back?  Especially, in light of how my last trip ended?  (For the three of my readers who don't know about that, look at the next blog post I'll write, "And That Happened" in which I revisit the crisis that befell me in Petra and a week hospitalized in a cardiac ward in Amman.  I was surprised when I reopened this blog that I had not written about that.  But it was pretty traumatic and has taken a lot of hard work to heal.)

The first reason is to visit places I missed on my prior trip.  Even a month with tours most days was not enough time to see all I wanted.  Just around Jerusalem, I never made it to sites as important as the Cenacle (site of the Last Supper, part of a larger complex on Mt Zion) or the Russian Orthodox Church of Mary Magdalene.  There were a bunch of archaeological sites I missed, such as the Burnt House (ruins from the Roman sack of the city in 70 CE), the western wall tunnels, "Zedekiah's stables," or most of the archaeological digs in the City of David.  I missed the Museum on the Seam, David's Tomb, and the Tombs of the Prophets.  Likewise, the King David Hotel, First Station, or Great Synagogue.  Now, I realize that many of these aren't on the itinera, but there are free part days or the option of skipping things I've seen to go to things I haven't.  (And it'll take another trip -- or three! -- to see things elsewhere in the country I'd like to explore:  Megiddo, Akko, Safed, the Ramon Crater area, Lachish, Ein Gedi, Jenin, Bet She'an.....)

The "Immovable Ladder" at Holy Sepulchre

Some places that I saw before deserve a second (or fourth) look.  The first visit is big impressions, this time I'll look for details.  The first visit was finding a good picture, this time I'll probably forgo some pictures to absorb the spirit.  So, a place like the Syriac St. Mark's, I only saw a part -- I was in the courtyard, but the church itself was closed.  Or some of the Stations of the Cross that I blew past need closer attention.  Or some of the antique shops that I wandered through, but did not seriously explore, thinking I'd come back later (and didn't).  And I look forward to revisiting in particular the Basilica of the Annunciation in Nazareth, the Tomb of the Patriarchs in Hebron, and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre -- each of these places had deep spiritual significance for me on my last trip. 

Which brings out one of the biggest reasons to go back:  There, in the places and people and stories that are root to my faith, I met God in unique and rather ineffable ways.  I've had a few deeply numinous experiences over the course of my life, which serve as benchmarks for my relationship with God.  On that pilgrimage, I had three major ones, including probably the most profound of my life, crying my insides out behind a pillar in Holy Sepulchre.  Why there?  I don't know.  I'd long been dubious about Marcus Borg's discussion of "thin places" because of my beliefs about divine omnipresence.  These experiences challenge that.  Why then?  Not sure -- I had tried to be receptive, open, to get out of the way when the Spirit was breaking loose.  But not necessarily more than in other times and places.  Why go back?  I know full well that lightening does not strike twice in the same place.  That the very nature of spiritual experience is that it is rooted in grace, a gift, unpredictable and programmable.  I'm aware of the danger of seeking the gift rather than the Giver.  And those experiences were weird enough (in the Rudolf Otto and MacBeth "weird sisters" usage of the word), even uncomfortable, that I have no illusions that I'm looking for sweetness and light, but am more likely to find "a dread and deep darkness" (Gen. 15:12).  But for some reason, my spirit harkens to that refiners fire.  "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."  Yes, it's dangerous. That's the point.

At River Jordan, remembering my baptism

Going back is following God's call, a call that at many levels makes no sense.  This call is more specific than my moth-like spirit circling the flame of God's presence.  It's a call that wraps up so many diverse threads of who I am and what I have done through my life.  It encompasses my intellectual fascination with history, Bible and theology.  It directly confronts my lifelong (but getting better) dichotomy between head knowledge and heart faith, also the split between body and spirit, sexuality and spirituality.  And it brings back to the fore my primordal call to reach and serve God's lost sheep in the LGBTQ community.  So I want to do what I failed to do there last time, to find, meet, hear the stories of, and perhaps minister to queer people of faith, Jewish, Christian, and Muslim.  I realize now that this will become a separate blog post, so be patient and look for that.

That was one aspect of unfinished business that I want to address.  There are a few others, related to my hospital stay in Amman, debts of gratitude I plan to repay during the morning there. 

Finally, I am totally excited that Ivan will be going with me this time.  He has had a conflicted relationship with my adventuresome travel.  (I didn't help matters much by saying things like, "There's riot police everywhere [in Istanbul], so I'm going to go the other direction, talk to you later," and "Oh, wow, I don't feel good... I'm calling an ambulance, talk to you later," -- and then not being heard from for 8 hours.) We travel well together, I plan exciting adventures and he makes sure we don't get mugged in some back alley on our way back to the hotel.  I'm really looking forward to him seeing the places and stories that have meant so much to me these last couple of years.  We have never been on a group tour together, so this will be a new experience in that respect.  It is also exciting that a couple from Plymouth, Gary and Anna, are going.  (Anna and Ivan are real close. They're going on the Petra extension too, and Gary has promised to Ivan that he'll "chaperone" me to keep me out of trouble.)

So pray for me, pray for us.  Pray that all the logistics goes smoothly, especially in and out of the airport.  Pray that our group of 16 pilgrims gels into a spiritual community.  Pray that I'm able to connect with gay communities there.  Pray that everyone stays healthy, especially me.  And most of all, pray that we meet God in and through this pilgrimage in the way God knows we need the most.